Grumpy Old Bastard gets adventurous with WordPress

Bah Humbug, I like the basics but figured it was time to get adventurous with the layout of this blog.

So if you are a real dickhead, then you will not have noticed that I changed the theme all be me bloody self. I got a bit flash and added a few widgetie grubs to the menu doova hickey thing too.

Now piss orf and leave me alone.

Dickhead US spammers exposed

Well since I wrote me little comments here on just what I thought of dickhead webhosts, we gets hit with 181 spam comments all from “Fake” hosting URLS and companies. The common denominator was the spammers IP address, which Akismet listed as 38.96.198.113 so watch for that bastard.

A bit of snooping and a bit of a “lookup” reveals this -> 38.96.198.113 is from United States(US) in region North America

Really, I thought the Us was very anti-spam and even had laws to deal with spammers, oh well lets do a whois on the IP and see who owns it. ->

whois query for 38.96.198.113…

Results returned from whois.arin.net:

Curry Munching Dickheads who post bullshit comments to blogs for PR

I honestly cannot believe the amount of spam comments that Akismet pulls up. Thats not to count against the stupid 1 line comments posted by curry munchers trying for backlinks with their black-hat seo 3 year old scripts! I love deleting them bastards.

Most of them are linking to crappy domain names that they try to punch the page rank up on, so that they can then offer pr4 backlinks to www.shitsite.com in exchange for a good quality link on your pr4-5-6 site. I mean why the f$%# would I give some-one a link on my front page, just so they can list me a backlink on www.pieceacrap.net/hotsite.htm

Any webmaster hosting a quality site does NOT bother exchanging links with any bastard, let alone some towel headed curry muncher that wears white ladies frocks and Jesus sandals! Seriously, I would rather reply to dickhead Nigerian 419 email scams like Patrick Chan from the Hang Seng Bank, or congratulations you are $5million USD TattsLotto winner, than waste time exchanging links with pooftery arseholes.

When you consider the money you pay out each month for quality web hosting, why would you want to do freebie favours for a third-world towel head who doesn’t give a rats-arse about what your page rank does. Go read about SEO buy seo professionals, preferably in the USA, the UK or Australia, rather than Kikkagoatalong or Afgranniestand, and you will see that there are millions of quality sites out there that pull up number one on a Google search every time, yet their Page rank might be less than three.

It’s like the man with the small dick once said “It’s not the size that counts, but the way you use it”. It’s the same for websites, it’s about traffic not page rank, shit I got a pr4 site thats lucky to get 20 hits a day, by the same token, I also have a pr1 site that gets over 3000 hits a day, yes a day! So I reckon page rank is old technology, just like backlinks. In the days of yore, search engines rewarded you for having lots of backlinks, so that the job of indexing the web was easier, simply by following your backlinks etc etc. Nowadays, search engines have enough crap on board, and they realise that the people searching only want upto date and relevant search results. Therefore they realise that they can’t keep dishing up pornsites when someone searches for some educational or reference material.

Why? Because if I used Google as a search medium, and I was looking for information on rocket science, and the only search results it gave me was for porn sites (I’d probably bookmark a few), well I’d simply use a different search engine until I found one that could serve up the info I needed. Whats that mean? Well search engines are like free to air television stations, if you cant find whaat you like on one, you’ll simply change the channel. That means that you are no longer viewing their sponsors adverts, and the money falls off, then they go broke.

Imagine that for headlines – “Google and Yahoo in receivership because everyone now uses OzSe instead” heh heh heh. All this caused by some illiterate towel-head from auto-posting bumhole comments on blogs! Go suck a coconut you dickhead!

Dickheads dickheads and more clixgalore dickheads

Great, I got an affiliate account with Clixgalore that earns me millions every day. Actually, it earns me about a buck every 3 or 4 months. Anyhow, I got an email saying “Congrats, you have made a sale for blah blah” so I thought I would log in to the ole clix account and see just how much commission i had earned. It must be up to nearly $20 in total after all these months, well wouldn’t you know it… their dickhead site is broken.

Great, tried to login in and all you get is a “Servers are busy” page, with a “Try again later” message. Okay, I can cop that, everyone has experienced the ole “We are upgrading our servers” bit before on almost any web host site that you could think of. Now a big mob like Clixgalore would be right on the money fixing their server issues as quick as a wink one would think….. NOT. Yep, that’s right, it’s been 3 days now and the dickhead site wont let me access my dashboard.

Really, where do these guys get off, here I am a major affiliate, earning at least $20 bucks a year (I get a cheque every 5 years), and I can access my account to transfer a few million! Sheesh….. the cheek of these buggers. How can they expect to succeed in business when they treat their number one affiliate marketer like this. I have 4 of their banner-ads on my “How to Play Scrabble in 10 Easy Lessons” website, and another half dozen or so on my “How to get rich Quick” website. Bloody dickheads, they need a good linking at www.dialadickhead.com to smarten them up a bit I reckon.

How people can let dickheads like that run a business is beyond me. I mean imagine if your bank offered online banking, and it never worked because the “servers are busy”, how long would one stay loyal to that banking or financial institution eh, eh? You’d be on the phone straight up wouldn’t ya, “hello, is that the bank of I couldn’t give a stuff”? “Hello, Bank of Dickhead, how can I help you?” Yer, wouldn’t ya, you’d go like ACDC or was it Skyhooks with, “Why dontcha all, why dontcha all……”, bloody dickheads.

My two bobs worth.

Stupid eBay and it’s Dickhead prices

Who’d believe me when I say ebay is now the world’s number one dickhead rip-off site. Their ripoff fees are bloody nothing short of friggin greedy, then their dickhead protection from scammers is as useless as tits on a bull, or elephant balls on a mouse!

Not only that, but when you do manage to win a bid on an item, the bloody seller likes to markup the shipping and handling to add a little profit margin in, just in case the item sells too cheap. Have a look at some of the shipping prices quoted, like Melbourne to Brisbane for a 200g small parcel at only $38.00! Bugger me dead dickhead, I could send a huge carton with bloody TNT for that you thieving bastards.

Well dickhead ebay can piss off cos now I do all me shopping through this cool new site I found. Well it’s not actually new, it’s been around for a few years, but no bastard told me about it though. It lists bloody near anything you could think of, where you dont actually buy from them, but through them to get heavily discounted prices direct from the supplier. There is no rooting around with shipping either, because the item is shipped direct from the supplier right here in Australia, cheap and fast.

Oh yeh, forgot to mention heh heh, it’s here at Aussie Blokes And Sheilas – www.blokesandsheilas.com and its a fair-dinkum Aussie site without the bullshit, no ripoffs, no match-making, no dating stuff, just the very latest daily updates on everything from honey and lawnmowers to cufflinks perfume and chainsaws, all at shithot prices, with modest delivery charges for a change.

Shove yer eBay up yer arse mate.

Web Hosts are dickheads too

It’s amazing how any man and his dog can open a $20 buck a month reseller hosting account, whack up a flash website, open a PayPal account, and suddenly be in business as a web hosting service.

Web hosting needs regulating! In Australia, hosts do exactly the same, open a reseller account, and start advertising hosting packages to fools. They piss around with keywords, open a Google Adsense account, run some banners and viola, the money starts to dribble in. That is until something goes wrong with the parent hosts server and the network breaks, and people start demanding refunds!

That is why I now only trust reputable web hosts like auStores eCommerce and Hosting with my web sites. At least they put their mouth where their money is (sic) and if something goes wrong they immediately jump on the wagon, notify everyone, and fix the problem. There is none of this 3 day support ticket bullshit, I think the longest I have ever waited on a ticket was 25 mins for a reply, and the reply was only to confirm the problem had been fixed! Yep no crap, and no bullshit.

The only other mob I can vouch for is AusQ Networks who seem to specialize in websites for the country folk. They are one of the most reliable of web hosting services that look after the rural sector of the community. Me mate is hosted with them, and he likes the hands on, no bullshit approach they offer.

So next time you are googling for a web host, be warned that a lot of the hits you’ll get are nothing more than dickheads offering bullshit with a 1300 Dial-a-Dickhead number to some schoolboys mobile phone. If you need support and you are really lucky and call during school hours, you might just be answered by the dickheads teacher who would have more of an idea on what to do for you.